Confessions

Yoga isn't about touching your toes.


All my teachers (and hopefully yours) - near and far, dead and alive - have stressed that. The benefits of yoga come no matter where you are in the posture. And the real benefits come from the mind and soul workout you get by being open, being humble, being aware, being quiet.

And that's precisely why I'm here, why I'm in teacher training. Because I have been transformed by the benefits of yoga, the real benefits. Because I want to dedicate my life to sharing those benefits. Because I love being a part of a community that is supportive of all people, no matter their ability.

And yet...

Even as I dig deeper and deeper into yoga, I continue to get the sense that there's a bit of lip service going on to this whole "yoga is for every body" thing.

I mean every website, every magazine, every book, every Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Google+/Blog post has pictures of Pretty People in Advanced Asana (henceforth, the PPAA).  And of course, every yoga teacher I've met is...well, a PPAA for sure.

You know what I mean, right?

There seems to be a disconnect in the yogic community between talking the talk and walking the walk. Where are the pictures of Yogis of All Shapes and Sizes (now and forever more, the YASS)? Where are the teachers who are learning, growing and strengthening along with their students?

I've been waiting for a long time for the community to start doing something about it. And then recently I realized - oh yeah, I'm part of that community and I could do something about it.
Well, ok then...

Ready?

I am an inflexible yoga teacher.

Forget hanumanasana (splits), I'm at my wits end in uttanasana (forward fold). It takes a few rounds of Sun Salutes before I can touch the ground and that's only after years of practice. Just the mention of Upavistha Konasana (Wide-Angle Seated Forward Bend Pose) makes me whimper.

I'm not particularly strong either. I still have trouble getting into urdhva dhanurasana (wheel) and you can forget about handstand.

The thing is, it's not for lack of trying. Not for lack of practice. I've always been this way. My mother put me in ballet when I was little and I quit because my legs wouldn't let me do anything a dancer's legs should do. I was a tree trunk and my ballet teacher wanted seaweed. In high school I couldn't advance in my karate class because I couldn't for the life of me do a push up. One, lousy, push up.

So while I've seen progress in my dedicated practice, I've also realized that I will never be on the cover of Yoga Journal. At least not so long as they continue to put PPAAs on the cover.

Some days it's really not ok. Some days I want to stomp over to my sofa, turn on the TV, eat a bag of cookies and never think of yoga again. But some days it's very ok. Some days I am grateful that despite the mixed messaging, I am still surrounded by teachings and teachers that invite me to love myself for who I am. Some days I see how important it is that I continue my path of teaching yoga because there are so many like me who can be inspired by my weakness and inflexibility.

So, here I am.

Namaste.